I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
