You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
