It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
