i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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