I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
