I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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