69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
