I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
