we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
