I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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