THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
