oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
