I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
