Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
