i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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