I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
