dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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