Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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