Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
