I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
