Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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