Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
