I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
