It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
