I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
