just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
