Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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