Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
