I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
