Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
