can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
