man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
