Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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