Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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