I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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