just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
