so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
