I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
