Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
