He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
