i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
