Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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