The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
