Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well I just put wine in my tea
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
