He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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