I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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