Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
