I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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