Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
