You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
