Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Randomize
