somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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