Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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