I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
