that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm at about main and main street
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
